Once I'm around them for a period of time I open up, but sometimes it takes days. This doesn't help when I'm at a bar or some social situation.
How can I approach people and not be so shy?
Thanks, Ben 28 years old Dallas, Texas
Ben,
We all know that confidence is the key to overcoming shyness and intimidation. And while pretend confidence (discussed here) works for picking up the ladies, I'm going to give you real confidence. Specifically, confidence around strangers.
But before I bestow upon you this gift, know that you must use it carefully. In some situations it's better to be a shy nice guy than to be a dick with confidence. Sometimes being a dick is good. "Quiet confidence" is usually the best.
But however you use it, here's how to get it.
Callous as it may seem, the key to confidence is truly feeling that you're somehow better than everyone else. In this case, "everyone else" are strangers. And the best part about strangers is that YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM.
Use this to your advantage!
Next time your in a bar or party situation, think of some accomplishment you've had. It could be a business deal, it could be a hot girl you banged once in college. It could something nice a little old lady said to you once.
If you can't come up with something, think of something really bad that happened to you. A divorce, a loved one who died, or some trauma you went through.
You'll think of something that makes you better and more experienced than the others around you. Remember, they're strangers! Don't think about the fact that they might have better business deals, hotter girls, and worse disasters. You don't know them, so as far as you know they haven't had any of that stuff.
Walk around and look at these people. Think to yourself, "been there, done that." Tell yourself that these people are amateurs.
You'll soon realize that everyone's the same, and you'll have no problem approaching strangers. Do this whenever you need a shot of confidence around strangers. Do it enough and you'll have long-lasting sustained confidence -- and you'll feel silly for ever asking me this question.
You could also try this, a variation on the "I am better than you" method:
Pud is an expert in many things including money, sex, business, arts, music, food, fashion, technology, nightlife, travel -- almost everything except sports.
