Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Out of your league?
Pud,
I know this girl, and I really like her. I met her through a friend a couple of years ago. We were both at school and got along well, but she's a lot smarter than me and I kinda feel she's out of my league.
We went out a couple of times, but we never really said if it was a date.
First time, we went to a bar and had a great time. Second time we went to another bar, she got really drunk and I took her home and put her in the spare room.
I never made a move to kiss her.
It's a year later, I've moved away, but I still see her now and again with friends. Think I should tell her I think she's God's gift to mankind, and I'd love for her to have my kids?
Please help!
Thanks,
Gulsh
Gulsh,
Firstly, it was a date. If you think it was a date, she thinks it was a date. Unless there was some obvious reason for it to NOT be a date (meeting to discuss work, business, school, etc.), it's a date. And even then it's still usually a date.
That said, I will now bestow upon you the single most important lesson every man needs to know. I'm serious, this will change your single life.
Repeat after me. "If she agreed to go on a date with me, it means she ALREADY likes me. My only task at that point is to NOT FUCK IT UP, and I will be successful."
In other words, when a woman agrees to go on a date with you, she is saying, "you are cute/funny/whatever enough that I am interested." Then they use the first and second dates to look for flaws.
Now before I help you, there's one more thing you need to know: People are only happy dating someone at their attractiveness level or higher (this "league" you speak of). Attractiveness can mean looks, brains, money, status, social group, whatever turns you on.
Your flaw is lack of confidence, and you showed it to her. But before you say, "okay I guess I'm a pussy and doomed to a life of loneliness and mediocrity," I'll let you in on a little secret: NOBODY is confident when it comes to dating. Not men, not women.
But the best men simulate confidence to get the girl.
Let me to explain.
Everyone knows women are turned on by confidence. Why is this? When a man isn't confident, he's telling the woman, "you're out of my league." And what did I say above? That people are only happy dating someone of their league or higher. You're lower, you lose.
But can anyone truly feel confident going on a first date with someone their league or higher? Of course not. Brad Pitt would probably be confident around your chick (he's out of her league), but how do you think he felt on his first date with Angelina?
If a guy is genuinely confident on a first date, it means he can aim higher. When you can feel the butterflies in your stomach, that's your league.
Getting back to your question, yes, I can help. You fucked it up at the beginning but we can use that as a setup. You need to show her that you've changed, that you've grown from a boy into a man.
And it's extraordinarily simple.
Next time you're alone with her, tell her, "remember when we went out those times a few years ago?"
"Yeah," she'll say with a smile.
"I really should have moved in for a kiss. I really wanted to. Did you want me to?"
"Yes," she'll reply. 100%, trust me.
Move in.
Pud
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