I follow your site and I love it. I've read a lot about your bold entrepreneurial moves and respect what you've done.
I have one question: What advice would you give to someone who is young, hungry and intelligent, looking to succeed in life and business?
Ryan 24 years old San Francisco, CA
Ryan,
Thanks for the kind words.
You always hear people say "follow your dreams and you can accomplish whatever you want" -- right? I know it sounds trite and cliche. And it is, but that's because there's one important thing missing.
The dream.
Most people don't know what their dream is. Notice I didn't say "most people don't have a dream." Everyone has a dream or a passion. But pulling it out is the hard part.
No longer. I'm gonna break it down for you. Here's the secret:
AIM LOW.
Now I don't mean don't shoot for the stars. Dream big, but set a SMALL goal to get everything moving in the right direction. I'll give you an example.
My goal when starting my first business, was "I want to throw away my alarm clock." Specifically, I hated (and still do) waking up early every morning. I said to myself, "there's gotta be a way to make the same amount of money I'm currently making, but wake up whenever I feel like it."
I figured out that I could be a freelance programmer, working from home. If my clients called in the morning and I didn't answer, they'd just think I was busy or at a meeting. The day I threw away my alarm clock was one of the happiest days of my life.
And guess what the side-effect was... I had a profitable, growing business.
I've never been in bed with two women at the same time. Is it as great as they say?
Sincerely, Rob 21 years old
Rob,
It's not as great as you'd think.
One of the best things about good sex is the intimacy -- when two people merge into one. Heavy breathing, sweat, the works. When you're with two women at the same time, it's kind of hard and awkward to be especially intimate with either. In many ways it's closer to masturbation than hot sex -- it's purely physical and mostly work on your part.
That said, the real payoff is the memory. You might not remember all the individual times you've had sex -- but you remember the threesomes.
I like this boy and we flirt everyday. We've been friends for 4 years, but secretly I've loved him since I've known him. Recently we've been closer than ever.
I'm confused about whether he likes me or not. We flirt (hugging, play fighting, him picking me up, etc.) and he's always around me. I'm loving the attention. I want to talk to him about it but I'm not sure how to bring the subject up without scaring him and making things awkward.
I want to walk away happy no matter what comes out of it.
Please help!
xoxo, Hazel 15 years old Lincoln, Nebraska
Hazel,
I think everyone over 15 who's reading this is thinking the same thing -- "he likes you, 100%."
He's totally into you and dreams about you every night. The problem is, he's shy (like all 15 year old guys) and doesn't know what to do. He's waiting for you to make the first move -- and he'll feel SO relieved when you do.
Asking me was the first step. Telling him is the next step.
Another thing everyone over 15 who's reading this is thinking -- "prepare for fun, happy, sad, exciting, and educational times ahead!"
I want to quit smoking. I've been a smoker for over 20 years and it's time.
Any advice?
Thanks, Mike 35 years old Washington, DC
Mike,
By asking this question, I assume you're too weak to go cold-turkey. That's fine -- there's another way.
You need to replace your smoking habit with another habit; preferably one that's less harmful but still addictive. People most successful with this method generally take up running or exercise as a new addiction.
But something like food or masturbation addiction works too.
I work with this wonderfully attractive woman. She's always been nice to me and I'm crazy about her. She's beautiful. Really hot.
I'm not bad looking, but not great looking either.
How do I know if I have a chance?
Thanks, Rob 29 years old
Rob, Fortunately, women don't care nearly as much about looks as guys do. Think about how many times you've seen super-hot females with fugly dudes -- but not the other way around.
The unfortunate part is that women's requirements are much more complex than ours. There are many things women seek in a mate, that we do not. For example: confidence, security (incl. money, power, ambition), strength (physical and emotional), talent, and charisma.
Admit it - most of us guys are happy simply with a hot lookin' chick who's relatively pleasant to be around.
All that said, she doesn't like you. I'm sorry to report. But there is hope.
She needs to see you in your element. Specifically, women out of your league need to see you do something you're exceptionally good at. It's also show a little bit about your life outside the office. Find a way to hint about or show her your talent without being too obvious -- but being a little obvious is okay.
Show her your peacock feathers. If they're big and bright enough, she will be yours.
I'd recently heard some rumors about my little brother being gay. So over the weekend I asked him. He came out and told me he was. Apparently he's also come out to our sister. We come from a very conservative Asian family, and I know it won't go over well with my parents.
I still feel like I'm dreaming. I'm not sure if I'm disappointed, or just sad about how much more difficult his life will be in society because he's gay.
A little background on my brother -- he was voted best all-around in junior high and high school, was an "A" student, and is currently attending a top university. He does not display stereotypically "gay traits."
I asked him how he knows he is gay. He replied he just knew; yet admitted he had never had sex with a woman. How would he know he doesn't like women if he's never been with a woman sexually?
Sorry if this question is poorly written, I haven't had much sleep since I found out.
Help.
Thanks, Wyatt 30 years old Los Angeles, CA
Wyatt,
Your brother is a lucky man. It's much better to be gay than straight.
Especially in his case.
The people he hangs out (gay or not) are much more open, honest, and enlightened than most people, including his own family. He's seen prejudice, which makes him more tolerant. And most of all, a gay man can get laid instantly, whenever he wants.
How does he know he's gay, even if he's never tried sex with a woman? The same way you know you're hetero.
He doesn't display stereotypically "gay traits?" Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. You don't know anything about him, he's been hiding his entire life from you.
As for life being hard for him...dude -- life is only hard for him around the people he didn't choose to be with -- his family. Everyone else in his life is aweosme. Maybe a little drama-queeny, but awesome. The life of a gay man is easy street. Most people these days don't care, and the gay community is big enough he'll make plenty of friends and likely have a better life than you.
(he'll certainly get laid more)
As for the conservative Asian family, this is true -- they will not take well to it. Make sure you and your sister support him and tell him he's cool.
Your most avid reader, Daisy 17 years old Texas, USA
Daisy,
Simply put, the popular kids are the ones who most exemplify whatever trait their particular group holds sacred.
For example, the most popular jock is usually football quarterback. The most popular girl in the "good looking" crowd is ... the best looking. The most popular kid amongst the goths has the longest, blackest hair and attempted suicide a few times. The most popular kid in the math club is the best mathlete. :) And so on.
Some kids don't fit into groups and are outcasts. If that's you, here's the good news: outcasts are a group too! Organize them into their own social circle. Throw a party and invite just the weirdos, even if it's just 4 or 5 people. You might even become the most popular, but either way, high school will be a lot more fun.
Once I'm around them for a period of time I open up, but sometimes it takes days. This doesn't help when I'm at a bar or some social situation.
How can I approach people and not be so shy?
Thanks, Ben 28 years old Dallas, Texas
Ben,
We all know that confidence is the key to overcoming shyness and intimidation. And while pretend confidence (discussed here) works for picking up the ladies, I'm going to give you real confidence. Specifically, confidence around strangers.
But before I bestow upon you this gift, know that you must use it carefully. In some situations it's better to be a shy nice guy than to be a dick with confidence. Sometimes being a dick is good. "Quiet confidence" is usually the best.
But however you use it, here's how to get it.
Callous as it may seem, the key to confidence is truly feeling that you're somehow better than everyone else. In this case, "everyone else" are strangers. And the best part about strangers is that YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM.
Use this to your advantage!
Next time your in a bar or party situation, think of some accomplishment you've had. It could be a business deal, it could be a hot girl you banged once in college. It could something nice a little old lady said to you once.
If you can't come up with something, think of something really bad that happened to you. A divorce, a loved one who died, or some trauma you went through.
You'll think of something that makes you better and more experienced than the others around you. Remember, they're strangers! Don't think about the fact that they might have better business deals, hotter girls, and worse disasters. You don't know them, so as far as you know they haven't had any of that stuff.
Walk around and look at these people. Think to yourself, "been there, done that." Tell yourself that these people are amateurs.
You'll soon realize that everyone's the same, and you'll have no problem approaching strangers. Do this whenever you need a shot of confidence around strangers. Do it enough and you'll have long-lasting sustained confidence -- and you'll feel silly for ever asking me this question.
You could also try this, a variation on the "I am better than you" method:
I switched to "blogger beta." Even though Blogger said the conversion process would be painless, clicking any comments page now shows "The blog you were looking for is not found."
Maybe this (my first "beta" post) will fix the problem. If not, I'll write my own Ask Pud software, with features like getting an auto-email when your question is answered, and more.
My mid-life crisis is driving me all retro and I want to buy a film SLR camera. What should I get? What was the best SLR before digital showed up?
Michael 43 years old London
[For those who don't know, SLR means a pro or semi-pro camera with interchangeable lenses.]
Michael,
The best film cameras are made by Hasselblad. They're extremely high quality and don't degrade over time -- some even argue they get better. So for this reason you should buy one from eBay. (and, for the record, stop telling people you "won" something from eBay when you in fact "bought" it.)
They range in price from the $20,000's to $900 or so. You can't go wrong with any working Hasselblad.
I observe people and it seems that everyone is composed of 9/10 of themselves, but that extra 1/10 of their personality just isn't there.
Know what I mean? Why is that?
Steven 19 years old Dayton, VA
Steven, People stop being themselves around the age of 14. That's when everyone tries to assimilate and be someonethey're not. At that age we're more concerned with what other people think of us, than what we think of ourselves. To put it into your language, we're 1/10 ourselves.
Everyone outgrows it to eventually become whole. This is why you never see a 90 year old man trying to pretend he's something he's not, just to "fit in." Same with 2 year olds.
This is part of the maturation process. But the problem is that people mature at vastly different rates. The people who grow out of it fastest generally have siblings of similar age of both sexes, and parents who treat them like real people rather than kids.
Furthermore, kids who outgrow it early generally become more popular in school. I could get into more about why popular kids are popular, but that's not within the scope of this question.
Anyway, we all know people who are constantly trying to impress us and say "just the right thing" all the time. It's irritating right? They'll outgrow it. Varies for everyone.
Is it possible to not enjoy sex, even with a knockout five-star babe, and not be gay? Sometimes I just feel tired of sex.
Thanks, Thomas 19 years old Santa Barbara, CA
Thomas,
As the expression goes, "show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a guy who's sick of fucking her."
You've been dating her too long. At your age, the body craves (what I call) "strange." She's too familiar.
That's totally normal. However asking a stranger on the Internet "am I gay?" is not. That's called questioning your sexuality. Which is fancy talk for... "you're gay."
As a male, you have no needs. More specifically, you have one single innate need: to provide for her, thus making her less needy.
2,000 years ago you could kill a giant buffalo and feed her for months. This would fulfill her needs (stuff) and yours (providing her stuff). Unfortunately, since the advent of the supermarket, the best you can do is provide for her emotionally -- something men aren't natually equipped to do.
Pud is an expert in many things including money, sex, business, arts, music, food, fashion, technology, nightlife, travel -- almost everything except sports.
